I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize