Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
