textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
