he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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