nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize