I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize