He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
