I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
