And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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