I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
