Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
