need another drink. this is the easiest way
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize