And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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