i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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