Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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