I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
