Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you win again, gameday.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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