Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
