No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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