Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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