if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
