already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
