I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
