I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
