Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
