saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
