i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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