have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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