You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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