Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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