Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
