He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
