we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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