Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
