i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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