Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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