Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
