we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
