someone threw a dead crab at me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
