I think I won the penis lottery.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
