Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
