Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
