How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
babies were throwing up all over the place
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
