Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
