If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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