and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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