This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
