I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
