I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
