I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Alive.
So much puke
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
