maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
