All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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