Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
