Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
