Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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