i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
