I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
