I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
