So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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