I need to stop coming to work sober
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I need moral support for this bender
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
