I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize