puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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