In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
