Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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