Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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