Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
