we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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