he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
