there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
